Random Thoughts for the Day
1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves
me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you’re wrong.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was
younger.
5. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to
fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just
figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
6. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
7. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the *** was going on when I first saw
it.
8. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
9. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
10. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
11. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.
12. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
13. Was learning cursive really necessary?
14. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to
say”.
15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
16. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all
I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod
and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
19. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
20. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
21. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
22. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
23. Bad decisions make good stories
24. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?
25. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.
26. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
27. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t
want to have to restart my collection.
28. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China
and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that
when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
29. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
30. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles.
31. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
32. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
33. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every
time.
-via random email forward that actually made me giggle; author unknown
